Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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