Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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