there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
