do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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