I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
