Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
