I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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