2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
