i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
