smell my finger.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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