It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
