respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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