he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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