Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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