Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
