the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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