i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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