Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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