Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
