She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
