Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
