i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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