I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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