Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
