i just wanna soil my oats bro
zippers are such a cool invention
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
