I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
