I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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