I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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