Can i not drive my cunt home
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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