I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
