She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
