My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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