please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
