Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
