Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
