shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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