i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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