Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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