apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
