i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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