i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
