She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
