Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
