OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
