I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
