I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
