I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
