You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
