So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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