I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
