Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
