we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
