The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
