I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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