My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
