he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
