Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
