Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
