I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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