I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
it glows. i had to have it.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
