look no pants
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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