I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I can't put those talents on a resume
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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