I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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