i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
