Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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