That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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