Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
