You're a womanizer and a bitch.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
