you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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