Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
