I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
